just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
