i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
