theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize