Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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