I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
