He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
