If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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