At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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