This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
