So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
