Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
