I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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