i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
