He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
