My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
