Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
