Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
