yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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