hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I understand Curling. That high.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
