Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
