so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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