Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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