and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
