So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
