some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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