Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
