Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
