I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
