great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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