So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
