Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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