Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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