Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
