dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
