You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
