so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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