chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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