My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
