Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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