When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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