That's intense
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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