Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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