Just fell off a train. Bad.
"it" just moved
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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