It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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