That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
