Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
