i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
