i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
