i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
