I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
