i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
