i barfeds in our rink
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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