I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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