How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
