There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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