He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
