I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize