Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
