I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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