woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
