so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
